This article will talk about ensuring personal safety at the first meeting, as well as the first and subsequent sessions with a potential BDSM Master, Master, Top, Top, or who has recently become such for you.
1. The first and foremost rule is that your potential Master should be pleasant to you. Those. if there was no mutual sympathy between you at the first meeting, there is no special sense in the second. Sympathy is a subtle and relative concept, it consists of many components of the appearance, physical and psycho-emotional data of the interlocutor, the person’s manner of communication, which will be discussed below.
2. Your first meeting is best held in a public place, but at the same time in a place where there is an opportunity to talk. An inexpensive cafe and daytime are ideal. Remember that such a meeting does not oblige you to anything and you can always just get up and leave if something worries you or the person is unpleasant to you. If after the first meeting, you do not feel safe before the upcoming BDSM session – schedule another one. Adequate Top will always meet you halfway and will not insist on the momentary flow of your acquaintance into a BDSM session.
3. They are greeted by clothes. Pay attention to how your potential BDSM master is dressed, down to the details. A clean-shaven man in ironed trousers and polished shoes, a shirt with a clean collar that smells good, who has a handkerchief with him, is preferable for most to a messy subject in ripped jeans. Think about how he will follow you during the difficult moments of the session if he is not able to watch himself.
4. Initially treat your potential Top in BDSM with the suspicion with which you would react to a dark figure in the alley at 12 o’clock in the morning, who asked you to smoke. Let him in the process of communication prove that he is a normal sane person and his intentions towards you are friendly and do not go beyond normal human relations.
5. Adequate upper will never force events and the first meeting will immediately translate into a BDSM session by any available means and means, sometimes putting serious psychological pressure on you. He is also unlikely to suggest holding the first meeting at his home or in a place where everything is equipped for BDSM sessions.
6. If the person who came to your meeting is cheerful and has a sense of humor – this is definitely a plus, and if gloomy and gloomy, fixated on something, it is rather a minus. However, this is not a dogma. Often the top ones are quite phlegmatic, serious and sedate people – the position obliges. Agree, it is difficult to imagine a harsh Master in BDSM laughing merrily while whipping a sub, just because he has a cheerful disposition.
7. If, during the first meeting, a potential BDSM Master behaves overly self-confident, cheeky, starts to “poke” without offering to go “to you”, presses on you, impatiently, begins to behave as if you are already his slave, and your the relationship has almost reached the state of lifestyle – you better wrap up smoothly with the first meeting and no longer think about the second.
8. If the person who comes to your meeting is ordinary and adequate, it is unlikely that all the time your conversation will take place around how he will torture, tie and flog you. Average topics are not obsessed with this. Often they are looking for a life friend who at the same time likes some manifestations of the Theme, and not the subject of their unbridled BDSM aggression. Therefore, a good sign when a person has an ordinary small talk with you and touches the Topic as if by chance, considering it simply as one of the sides (a little unusual side) of his life.
9. It is a good sign if, in the process of discussing thematic preferences and inclinations, the upper speaks openly about his feelings, tastes, restrictions, prohibitions and taboos, and you see that he is not trying to hide anything or get around uncomfortable questions on your part.
10. Ask your potential partner how they feel about the stop word. Those. what happens between you if you don’t like something during the session. If he denies his need, despite your arguments in favor of it, you should not start a BDSM relationship with him.
11. If he is for a “stop word” try to catch him in such a situation when you are tied hand and foot, and your mouth is covered with a gag, ie. and you cannot speak, and you cannot do it yourself so that you cannot speak. If he thinks or gets lost, this is a reason for you to be wary. For the practicing dominant, solving this issue is not a problem.
12. Do not be shy and do not be afraid to ask any questions, but within the bounds of decency, even thematic.
13. If you met on the Internet or continued thematic communication after the usual acquaintance on the network, pay attention to his network nickname ICQ or on the forum, e-mail address. If there are the words 666, SS, Sadist , Cruel Master, Diablo and everything in the same spirit – this is a reason to be wary. There are psychological personality traits that affect the choice of nickname, and the phrases given here are usually chosen by unbalanced people. See also what is written in his profile. If this is a forum about BDSM- try to find all the messages of this person – it will immediately become clear to you what he is interested in, what he breathes and how he communicates with other people, how conflicted he is. At the same time, your special suspicion should be aroused by the fact that during a personal meeting with you, even if you try to talk to him about these topics that are troubling for you, he will leave them or say something that does not correspond to his opinion expressed in the posts on forum.
14. Ask the potential top what he has prepared for you in your first BDSM session. Do not accept an answer like “It will be a surprise …”, otherwise the surprise can be unpleasant. Often a BDSM session can really be full of surprises for the bottom – in fact, it’s great, but with a Master she knows. Let him generally list the practices that he is going to try on you.
15. Sex. Usually there is sex in BDSM sessions. However, traditionally, he does not play the main role in them. If you liked each other so much that you are ready to go for sex right during the first session, there is nothing reprehensible in this. But it will still be better if you at least come close to the rule of “5 dates”, even thematic. In any case, issues related to sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, blowjob, manipulation of the genitals, as well as contraception issues, you need to discuss in advance before the session, so that it does not become an unpleasant surprise for you or a subject of discussion already during the session.
And the last, but at the same time, the main thing – listen to your intuition, if it tells you that something is suddenly going wrong or that something worries you in the interlocutor, even if everything was fine before, it is better to refuse the BDSM session , replacing her with another date, if you still liked the person and you do not want to leave him just like that.